I was scanned on Monday, February 25th, in afternoon and then had to wait for a radiologist to provide his interpretation to my care team. After my scan, I went to adoration at my former home parish in Houston, St. Vincent de Paul. I opened my time there in prayer, praying for His will, yada yada yada. After a while of what I thought was me asking for His favor, I decided just to sit there in silence and hear what I needed to hear. Waves of comfort and trust enveloped me as I stared into the Eucharist, not saying nor thinking anything in particular. That was exactly what I needed. After roughly an hour of silence, I knew I had to resume with my day.
I have struggled putting thoughts into words for the past several weeks, but now that I'm on the other side of this recent journey, the dust has settled and thoughts are clearer.
My 9 month checkup landed in February of 2019. When it was scheduled back in August, I was mentally occupied with unexpected heart issues as a complication from the surgery in May. To be honest, being concerned with the heart stuff shielded a lot of my thoughts from wandering into the future concerning a 9 month check up. I'm thankful for that as I look back and wonder how I never concerned myself, knowing it's not my nature.
However, now that my 9 month check up has concluded, I'll admit that the weeks leading up to the visit grew in anxiety and stress in ways I've never allowed it to in the past. As time led up to my CT Scan and update, I did the one thing my wife tells me not to do; I read a lot of medical journals concerning paragangliomas, their recurrence rates and the details about recurrence, mortality rates, etc. The skinny truth is that there isn't much out there. So, the small number of studies done over the past 40 years are few and far-between. With the evolution of medicine and understanding of this rare tumor, journals documented even 20 years ago may not be accurate pertaining to medical science today.
Nonetheless, for the rest of my life, there will be a chance of recurrence. I never invested much mental thought into that fact up until now. I will be scanned and checked until I either choose to not care any more or just get old and stop caring. There is a 10-15% chance of recurrence until I am no more. With that percentage of recurrence, it could come back anywhere between my head and adrenal glands. Also with that percentage, it could return benign, or come back cancerous. So, unlike other cancers where remission may be a safe place to land, this one doesn't necessarily have that landing pad.
Tuesday evening following my scan, I received a call from my endocrinologist informing me that my chest CT was all clear. All anxiety subsided immediately. On Thursday of the same week, my doctor told me that my blood work was also all clear removing concern for areas not scanned.
In review of this recent scan, I realized a few things. Mainly, I'm reminded of my advice to everyone I meet that is harder to do than to offer to others; don't worry about what you cannot control. I'm reminded of my journey in faith specifically over the past year. I can see where there have been ebbs and flows of faith; laziness and diligence. I know this is all part of our human nature. I am appreciative for moments of growth and continual reminders for how truly blessed I am to have experienced this past year in the manner I did.
The most profound lesson learned that I have shared with Melanie early on is how unconditionally she has loved me throughout this journey and continues today. In times where I want to let worry and anxiety win, Melanie has always been there to keep me focused on faith. When I feel discouraged about anything, Melanie has always offered encouragement and love. Because of immeasurable blessings from my marriage and relationship with Melanie, I know that whatever the future holds, will be a blessing to me, my family and my faith. There are many more lessons to learn along this journey of life. I'm thankful I don't have to do it alone.
My next scan is set for September. I feel I'll be much more prepared already.
